What is This Weather For?

The stars are here
and the skies are clear
then the clouds rolled in
when April and I came;

I didn't mean to make you turn thunder,
I didn't mean to make you turn cold,
I didn't mean to change your season,
I didn't mean to swallow you whole.

I know I'm not just what you need.
I know I'm not just what you asked for,
a fifth season to add to your year.
I know you would be fine with that
if I didn't take days from the rest.

So every time I say I see this weather
you swear it's just one storm,
but I can tell by your change of heart
that it's me you're changing for.

I wish it wasn't so easy to
show you that you're wrong.

I'm sorry I'm not what you asked for,
I'm sorry I turned you thunder,
I'm sorry I turned you cold,
I'm sorry I gave you a new season,
I'm sorry I swallowed you whole.

This is What Happens When Sweetness Fades.

Beauty never sees beauty,
inner, outer, or otherwise.

It only sees
charm, wit, and seduction.

After all, what is sweeter
than the taste of sugar?

Not the beauty
of a bitter temptress,
however captivated
the tempted may be-

He'll only fall victim
to the optical beauty
which will try to force him
to an early grave,

and she'll take
all his charm away
stowing it for herself
till she can move on
and find another
so called ugly soul to steal.

It's Yours, Use It.

We weren't meant to dwell
in sadness or misery
but pain is unique
and meant to be felt
because it shapes us.

Don't ever dull that,
it's meant to give you edge.

The sharper that edge
the stronger you are,
the more capable you become
of cutting through
the dwelling in the future.

These Colors Only Paint a Picture.

My heart is red;
like a sunrise on a stormy day,
grey when the clouds roll in,
silver when lightening
strikes the earth,
and loud like thunder.

My heart is blue;
like a sunset after a rainy day
and all the colors a heart can hide,
will never describe
the feel of piercing rain
turning my pale skin pink,
or the wind blown
ache in my ear.

These colors don't tell
you that the wind blew
to the tune, cool and white
as if God purposely pushed
the air for my enjoyment,
and sent a chill through my body
to remind me He's still around.

I Don't Need a Reason.

When you ask me,
"Why do I care?"

I should only
question you the same
instead of dignifying
a significant response.

As if any other response
I would give otherwise
would only catch your brain
in a net anyways.

So if I question you the same
I think you'd find
your answers are to blame.

This is Why I Make Decisions Carefully.

I'm not a social person,
I'm self inhibited.

I coil inwards
and control my thoughts,
my actions,
the only way I can.

I prefer to have a desolate womb,
does that make me selfish?

I don't allow myself
to make stupid decisions.

I plan my life
around the potential ones,
and not theirs around mine.

Those lives are delicate
and I dare not
dance around them.

I'd rather keep them safe instead,
releasing them when we're both ready.

The Lack of Understanding Life.

Help,
please fall into my direction.

Show me the meaning
behind everything I once had.

Because I don't have anyone
and all who once mattered,
and all the things that
don't seem to matter anymore,

show me something's got to change.

I just have to pray that something
somehow falls into my direction.

I was
too young to understand,
too busy growing up
to understand affinity.

I remember being young,
so little girls like me
didn't understand
when we were told
we were too young.

We were too busy growing up
to understand the meaning,
and as an adult
our old decisions shaped
ourselves, shaped our lives today.

Want isn't a Strong Enough Word for the Desire to be Heard.

There's no sense
in starving for success,
still, I take the risk everyday.

I push the hunger aside
despite the uncertainty
in my mind
and stash my doubt
somewhere far behind.

So the longer
I wait for an outcome,
the less I see,

and I'm left here
writing the words
that no one
ever seems to see.

It takes drive
to be in my position,
and still set the statistics
so far away from my mind.

Even When it All Goes Wrong, He'll Still be There

We all just want to be married.

We all just want that one,

but what does that one matter
if you can't get a grip?

Marriage is more
than a picture
or a plaque
that you hang on your wall.

It's more than a spoken vow
or a ring exchange,
more than a simple ceremony.

Marriage is delicate,
and simultaneously strong.

It's something unspoken,
shared in secret
and seen clearly.

Deep Inside Dwells Ugly

I remember writing,
"Ugly doesn't exist."

I remembered and realized
the moment I learned
how hard it had been
to shake the feeling
of obtaining a frightening relationship.

That I was wrong,
and ugly exists
in ways other than facets,
only to realize later
that the damage
had already been done.