Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Cut Me Down to Size (Sinking Ship Self Esteem Mentality)

When I start to realize how much of a nothing I really am,
I find it fitting to forget anyone
who's ever made me feel that way about myself.

However daunting that may be,
 it means I must also forget myself.

It's far too easy to scorn myself,
despite how insignificant or significant
the deeds I do may be.

It's far too unfair
to be the biggest constant failure
to no one but myself.

I'm a sinking ship self esteem mentality
which is incredibly difficult to crack,
so I ask myself,

"Where has any of this ever gotten me?"

I still let these feelings walk all over me every single day,
I let my entire life sail right by me after all these years
and just lived with the frustration of never being enough.

So, how do they affect me?

In every single way.

They rob me of my voice
often leaving me quiet
in a room full of conversation.
They take over and leave me exhausted,
fighting just to feel better.
They make me shy in situations
where I really need to speak up
and cause me to close my mouth
when I have the opportunity to open up.
They make me the least important person to ever exist.

The worst part of living in my ship wrecked mind
is that I always automatically assume
that everyone feels the same way about myself as I do.