Wednesday, March 28, 2018

Activate

Be careful because
you can't be safe.
You might just get sucked dry
by what the press makes you say.

Stop saying it,
speak your mind.
You're not alive to swallow
someone elses ideas,
and regurgitate them
back into the earth.

Form your own opinion.

Stay yourself, be yourself,
because society may
try to program you
into being somebody else.

Think for yourself,
don't change for
anyone but yourself.
Walk on eggshells,
squash every bit
of shell you can,
because you've got ideas too.

Ideas that deserve to be heard,
and actions that should be carried out.

Don't let them sit on a shelf
in your mind like a trophy in a case,
take them out and use them.

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Reality Left Me

You reach for attention-
all you hear,
the ringing
in your ears.

Your throat is dry-
face is warm,
skin so cracked

that if you smile you split a lip.
You smile despite the blood
dripping to your chin

Undoubtedly hopeless
you extend your arm,
offering the earth
your dirty hand.

Your face,
pushed in the mud.
Silt caked in the cracks.

You bled something
I can't imagine,
healing among all of that.

Friday, March 16, 2018

I'll Never Have

You’re flesh and water and bone.

Destined to dust-
back to the start.

Despite adorning your face
with powder and paint,
dressing your body
in the softest silks
and coolest cottons.

You can drape gold
'round your wrists,
ankles, and neck.

Put the finest diamonds
in your ears.

Your beauty can’t compare. . .

You can never be the fog
drifting on the mountain top.

You will never be a bed of rocks,
in a river,
supporting a swimming koi.

I want to be the color in THAT sky.

The kind so astonishing,
it makes you blind
to everything else.

I want a lot of things.

Thursday, March 15, 2018

Forget Me

I want
to be
alone.

I want
to speak
to the world

I can't
have both.

There’s no way
to reach
you
     or me.

How to Ease the Anxiety

Ask yourself,
can you ever find a way?

Seems like the most hopeless
endeavor ever pursued.

So I go back;
 re-read the importance
I've written in my past,
realize this has been,
one of my worst struggles
for so many years.

I've lost my will to fight it.
I've grown weary and given up.
I've lost the energy to swim upstream.

It's time to come up for air,
to rest, to breathe,
and to try to exist.

I've got nothing left to offer,
you've taken it all away.

Will you ever let me breathe
free from your scrutiny?

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Keep Living

My mind- empty
   full of fog,
   crickets chirping,
   loud locusts jumping,
   cicadas screaming.


Hit the breaks,
my heart skips a beat.
My shoulder- restraint.
Three of us
stand cold today.


You, me, Anxiety,
and in this moment her voice
 has me deaf.


My head- lost,
   in the atmosphere, blind,
   moving on through the dense fog,
   I kneel to the ground,
   hold my face in my hands.


I'm taking a break,
     taking a breath.


The second this is over,
I'll keep walking
stay ready to scream,
   keep strong,
stay loud.

Monday, March 12, 2018

Leave Me Alone

Social rehearsal,
it can happen a million times
and still never play out as anticipated.

So many deep breaths, sighs,
and much hope for a great outcome.

Yet, at the end of the night,
you're stuck with the same
screeching chalkboard
creeks in your thoughts.

Then you hold yourself accountable
over anything, and everything;  
your hair, choice of dress, your voice,
that stupid blemish on your cheek,
the body you were born in.

The list grows bigger and bigger,
and swells to things you can not change.

You can NOT change!

Is this really what it boils down to?
Do you really believe that?

Maybe some things don’t need to change,
but I can tell you one thing for sure,
this anxious way of thinking DOES!

Because it's much too busy
tearing my mind to bits
while I've got more
important things to do.

Such as- living my life without
being pushed into a corner
by anxiety’s warm embrace.

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Me

Let me indulge you,
let me cater
to your every whim.

What is it inside of me
that can satisfy
your every need?

All I've got is the
"I'm only one person"
blues to sing to you.

That's when I know
Anxiety. . .
She's got me
by the neck again,
pulling me offstage
with a shepherds crook.

Then she hovers above me
with a rain cloud
of self mis-judgement.

Imagine me, with a soggy,
wet lost puppy look on my face.

No one expects me
to cater to their every whim,
or satisfy their every need.

They only expect me to be.

Thursday, March 1, 2018

It's a Matter of Opinion

How many words
does the average person
speak in their lifetime?

The suggestion is near
nine hundred million.

If you slight your speech,
do you find the time to think?

Or is that simple
black space inside?

Perhaps no thought to rattle
that brain you've got...
I guess I'll give up ever knowing.

I wonder if those
who limit their voice
live happier lives.

Speak less to listen more,
and receive better
life lessons as a result.

The reason I over-speak?

The agonizing endless need
to explain myself
for no reason at all.
The anxiety that comes
with the thought behind it.
The need to clear the air.
The attempt at beating meaning
into someone's existence.

The madness
known as my mind
will take control
and leave me;
Whispering to myself.
Pacing in circles, with the most
useless anxiety you could imagine.

So I stop, take a breath,
take a break, and ask myself
is it even worth it?