Wednesday, September 20, 2017

George in an Empty Nutshell

He sunk his claws deep within,
for a long time I could feel them
dragging, and buried in my skin.

Wherever did he go?
Nix me needing to know.
No I don't miss him so.

I'm done letting him use me as if
I'm a broken toy to pull spare parts from.

How many parts can he pull
until I become empty?

The worst part is that he filled me
with the broken parts of his own machine.

In the places I had;
happiness- he replaced with nervousness,
strength with crisis, trust with doubt,
peace with pain, love with fear and apathy. . .

And the list goes on and on.

It took a prodigy to lift those parts from me,
to apologize for the past.

Whatever it brought my way.

Even if blameless,
the prodigy choose to share
the good parts of itself with me.

We'd bare the burden of the bad with each other.

Fixing; worry with self-esteem,
disarray with deliverance, dread with faith,
trouble with security, angst and coldness with compassion.

I hope.

Maybe one day he'll find a prodigy of his own,
instead of stripping the fortune away from others.






Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Some Words Should Be Wasted

Enraged
he asked the world,

"Who taught you to hate yourself?"

My question is,
in what moment did we make it okay?

With enough worry focused on
our loss of free speech over
someone else's diffidence.

Who taught you it was okay
to hate yourself despite
what anyone else had to say?

What happened to designating
your own opinions?

And what happened to keeping some silent?

Anyone with an intention to be so obnoxious
with their words toward you.

Should have a sentiment
worth it's weight in your eyes.



Tuesday, August 15, 2017

If I Seem Withdrawn (I Am)

Independent loneliness-
the choice to be alone
and the reason is unknown.

Some prefer the silence,
 or in some circumstances,
they even prefer the noise;

the clicking that fingers
create on these keys.
The hum of thoughts in your head.
Or even shouting screams of matches
you need to make and win in your mind.

To be so close,  or so far:
from everyone.
And everything you've ever
wanted to achieve-
never forgetting to be right
beyond your fingertips.

Running, and out of breath
for the next to last opportunity
life will never allow you to take

because it will tear away
the lonely home you have.

One person,
alone, myself is enough,
and anyone else is too perplexing
to figure out.




Thursday, August 10, 2017

All for a Band-Aid

If we met as children,
I'm shameless in wondering
how life would've been.

I do wish it was this way,
because mine would've been
undoubtedly kinder with you in it sooner.

You must've been incredibly encouraging.

I imagine a playground scenario-
on the pavement I've fallen,
destined to scrape my knee.

As I'm gruff to rise from my fallen state,
your hand is out in front of my face. . .

Unable to look to yours
or grab your hand in the moment
I hear your voice asking me,
"You aren't gonna cry are you?"

I glance at you, sighing a single
"No."

So you say to me,
"Good."

You, eager to ask
in so few words
if my knee is okay.

"Do you need a band-aid?"

We're so sickeningly sweet,
whether we met today
or on the teeter-totters-

nothing would stop you from
walking me to the nurse if I needed you.





Tuesday, August 1, 2017

What a Diagnosis

I hope you don't hold your breath
trying  to understand
the lot of lop-sided love in this life.

Driving people to their crummy jobs
looking for a lot of lop-sided affairs.

How can you want what you can't have?

So the innocent half of the affair
becomes lop-sided trying to understand.

What happened?
Toss in a
How could you?
in an instant.

Horrified, you want to make it work.
Even with a 100% failure rate.

Yea, he won't leave his wife for you,
won't tell her you exist.
No way he'll let you meet his family,
or care for one you see inside your head.

To him, you're a problem
and a tasty one at that.

Lop-sided became the sad and solitary
relationship you're too familiar with.








Sunday, July 30, 2017

You're Not Guilty

Occasionally,
a wave of doubt will come over me
and leave flotsam on my minds shore.

Perhaps a bit of sea glassed depression,
but it's nothing my mind
hasn't been able to polish
into something spectacular.

It's my belief that everyone
has these waves from time to time.

Unfortunately, for some these waves
are typhoons of guilt created by others.

For them,
doubt becomes impossible to overcome.

It's not only their shore
that becomes impossible to clean
but their entire city.

How could you possibly blame them
for giving up on their faith,
when no one was there
to pick them up after it was our storms
that knocked them down?

It's my job:
to keep my flotsam off your shore and city,
to teach you how to use yours to your advantage,
to help clean the scrap from your shore,
and-undivided-restore it to a beauty unmatched.






Friday, July 28, 2017

Loneliness Never Hurt a Soul

Easily manipulated
loneliness,
one of my closest friends.

Easy to have around,
with an affection
which can't be matched.

Where would I be without you,
loneliness?

Where is the time to think;
reflect?
meditate ?
or pray without you?

Why does everyone think,
you, my friend,
loneliness is a bad thing?

I think you're highly misunderstood.

You stalk each and every one of us,
with good intention of course.

To be sure we're able to survive
in our personal solitary confinement.

So in silence,
I speak out loud to you.
You say nothing in return,
all you've ever done is listen.

Loneliness,
you and me,
we're two of the most hated beings there are.

Denial and declaration.





Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Marcus

Hey,
I thought of you.

I was alive,
uncomfortably laying between the arms of
a waiting room style chair;
knees up,
head tilted back.

Now, I don't remember what day or week it was
or if you were real
or if you were something my mind conjured up.

Either way,
the hard times were hitting me again
and there I found you
always trying to cheer me up
in the most inappropriate ways.

Just taking in the hospital air
my mouth sat ajar while sleeping,
and there you came.

You planted one right on my lips.

Your stubble scratched my skin,
I'll admit,
I was shocked,
a different kind of breathtaking
experience came over me.

I belted out in laughter,
then suddenly
I found myself smiling.

You made me do that a time or two.

I fear reality may have been more harsh to you
than it ever was to me
but I wish I could find you here.

I can almost remember your face,
I want to let you know
that you've passed my mind enough.



Friday, July 14, 2017

A Sleepwalker's Amnesia (A short story.)

I found myself in that old ghost town
with a familiar sound ringing in my ears.

Was it the train running down the rails?
How could that be?

Those tracks have been buried
under miles of mud and dirt for decades.

I swear I can still hear my house
rattle as the horns blare.

Paralyzed with fear,
I wake with my shadow
laying in front of me,
train stopped behind me-

horns ablaze and unaware of how I got here.

Stammering off the tracks
as my consciousness decides to find me;

an officer pulls me further,
questioning me-
too tired and disoriented to answer
I ask. . .

Where am I?
How did I get here?
What time is it?

As daylight is approaching,
the last thing I can remember
is falling asleep
at home thinking about
what to do with my future.

So I find myself in a hospital room,
but eventually walking home,
up the stairs and knocking on the door.

Yet no one is there to let me in.

A man drives up the way,
unaware you ever left
the comfort of your home.

I know this one,
and remain calm.

He opens the door,
the first thing I see is a clock
in the entry.

I look at the time and realize
I've been gone for hours,
the thought of where I could've been
all night is absolutely terrifying.

I ask him,
"Where have I been all night?"






Tuesday, July 11, 2017

At Least I Don't Miss the Shore

Where would my happiness be
without saying goodbye to one?

-every now and again-

I find myself saying,
"I'm glad I missed the boat on that one."

While you're still sitting at your student desk,
you open the lid only to seethe
over some he-said-she-said
from who knows how long ago?

Your looks ran out,
your substance faded,
and left all of us in my mind
to question-

What did I ever see in you?

Well. . .

I'm glad I missed the boat on that one
because not only did yours sink
and leave you

stranded-

you never saw the shore again.