Tuesday, August 15, 2017

If I Seem Withdrawn (I Am)

Independent loneliness-
the choice to be alone
and the reason is unknown.

Some prefer the silence,
 or in some circumstances,
they even prefer the noise;

the clicking that fingers
create on these keys.
The hum of thoughts in your head.
Or even shouting screams of matches
you need to make and win in your mind.

To be so close,  or so far:
from everyone.
And everything you've ever
wanted to achieve-
never forgetting to be right
beyond your fingertips.

Running, and out of breath
for the next to last opportunity
life will never allow you to take

because it will tear away
the lonely home you have.

One person,
alone, myself is enough,
and anyone else is too perplexing
to figure out.




Sunday, July 30, 2017

You're Not Guilty

Occasionally,
a wave of doubt will come over me
and leave flotsam on my minds shore.

Perhaps a bit of sea glassed depression,
but it's nothing my mind
hasn't been able to polish
into something spectacular.

It's my belief that everyone
has these waves from time to time.

Unfortunately, for some these waves
are typhoons of guilt created by others.

For them,
doubt becomes impossible to overcome.

It's not only their shore
that becomes impossible to clean
but their entire city.

How could you possibly blame them
for giving up on their faith,
when no one was there
to pick them up after it was our storms
that knocked them down?

It's my job:
to keep my flotsam off your shore and city,
to teach you how to use yours to your advantage,
to help clean the scrap from your shore,
and-undivided-restore it to a beauty unmatched.






Friday, July 28, 2017

Loneliness Never Hurt a Soul

Easily manipulated
loneliness,
one of my closest friends.

Easy to have around,
with an affection
which can't be matched.

Where would I be without you,
loneliness?

Where is the time to think;
reflect?
meditate ?
or pray without you?

Why does everyone think,
you, my friend,
loneliness is a bad thing?

I think you're highly misunderstood.

You stalk each and every one of us,
with good intention of course.

To be sure we're able to survive
in our personal solitary confinement.

So in silence,
I speak out loud to you.
You say nothing in return,
all you've ever done is listen.

Loneliness,
you and me,
we're two of the most hated beings there are.

Denial and declaration.





Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Marcus

Hey,
I thought of you.

I was alive,
uncomfortably laying between the arms of
a waiting room style chair;
knees up,
head tilted back.

Now, I don't remember what day or week it was
or if you were real
or if you were something my mind conjured up.

Either way,
the hard times were hitting me again
and there I found you
always trying to cheer me up
in the most inappropriate ways.

Just taking in the hospital air
my mouth sat ajar while sleeping,
and there you came.

You planted one right on my lips.

Your stubble scratched my skin,
I'll admit,
I was shocked,
a different kind of breathtaking
experience came over me.

I belted out in laughter,
then suddenly
I found myself smiling.

You made me do that a time or two.

I fear reality may have been more harsh to you
than it ever was to me
but I wish I could find you here.

I can almost remember your face,
I want to let you know
that you've passed my mind enough.



Friday, July 14, 2017

A Sleepwalker's Amnesia (A short story.)

I found myself in that old ghost town
with a familiar sound ringing in my ears.

Was it the train running down the rails?
How could that be?

Those tracks have been buried
under miles of mud and dirt for decades.

I swear I can still hear my house
rattle as the horns blare.

Paralyzed with fear,
I wake with my shadow
laying in front of me,
train stopped behind me-

horns ablaze and unaware of how I got here.

Stammering off the tracks
as my consciousness decides to find me;

an officer pulls me further,
questioning me-
too tired and disoriented to answer
I ask. . .

Where am I?
How did I get here?
What time is it?

As daylight is approaching,
the last thing I can remember
is falling asleep
at home thinking about
what to do with my future.

So I find myself in a hospital room,
but eventually walking home,
up the stairs and knocking on the door.

Yet no one is there to let me in.

A man drives up the way,
unaware you ever left
the comfort of your home.

I know this one,
and remain calm.

He opens the door,
the first thing I see is a clock
in the entry.

I look at the time and realize
I've been gone for hours,
the thought of where I could've been
all night is absolutely terrifying.

I ask him,
"Where have I been all night?"






Tuesday, July 11, 2017

At Least I Don't Miss the Shore

Where would my happiness be
without saying goodbye to one?

-every now and again-

I find myself saying,
"I'm glad I missed the boat on that one."

While you're still sitting at your student desk,
you open the lid only to seethe
over some he-said-she-said
from who knows how long ago?

Your looks ran out,
your substance faded,
and left all of us in my mind
to question-

What did I ever see in you?

Well. . .

I'm glad I missed the boat on that one
because not only did yours sink
and leave you

stranded-

you never saw the shore again.





Tuesday, June 6, 2017

(Why Can't You) See What I do?


We all breath the same air,
swim in the same body of water
on the beaches
which connect our countries,
but so often forget how close we are.

Our choices are as important
as each life we take
when we're busy at war
with one another.

One mistake
could wipe us all away
in the blink of an eye,
yet we keep playing around
as if our human lives
are some kind of sick joke.

Humanity needs to take a minute;
to breathe the same air I do,
to let the salty waters
wave it's hair as it does mine,
to see the white clouds
swim in the sky of deep blue dreams
tying us together.

See, this is only part
of what my life means to me.

I would never steal
anything away from you.

Why would you ever
want to take that away
from me, or anyone else?






Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Don't Deprive Yourself with Deception

We all have demons,

but how often do we take off our red mask
showing just how they get the best of us?

The mask may be imaginary,
but it's a growing problem
sitting in the pews at the church of
"Can you help me please?"

Yet most don't ever know,
or can't even admit it's needed.

It's sad how we're so quick to criticize
but can't admit our own imperfections
or even begin to decipher our daily demons
because we're too busy masquerading around in red.

While we're ignoring our harsh realities, dancing
our way through life, internally
wounded and deteriorating underneath-

what I fear most about all of this
is how many of us are unaware
we're wearing a mask at all.




Tuesday, May 9, 2017

The Story Can't End Yet

I claimed cancer when I was sick;

Perhaps
because in my state of mind
there was no other
explanation

(This must be what cancer feels like.)

for all the
frustration.

(Mental clutter in my mind.)

I was just a
floating blob
of contagious cancer.

Everywhere I went
I made you
sick of me too.

"Are you sick of me yet? "

My cancerous thoughts
spoke to me in a
deep and daunting whisper.

"You know?"
"You can give up at any moment."
"Are you done yet? "

Those thoughts that snake their way in
don't see the two different people
living inside of me;

an imp on one shoulder,
an angel on the other.

They only seek to kill my spirit.

"You're right-"
So I admit defeat;

"I don't have to take this anymore."

instead of giving up and giving in
to the so called inevitable-

I kept going until I was
tired, calloused and empty inside.

Of course I could have just given up,
but there's got to be
something more
at the end of this sentence.



Self Destructing Humanity (of Unsustainability)

I have this fantastic thing
called a life,

that can quickly
take a tragic nose diving
turn for the worst at any moment.

At times it's a daring thing to keep,
yet over seven billion of us do it every day,
and we're growing still.

So by seven billion,
you think
we would have learned by now
that the aggression
not taken out on ourselves is either;

taken out on our planet,
or even worse,

each other.

So pay attention,
you'll see it coming.