If You Can Find It

 A decade passed,

my head was in the clouds,

fueled by hopes and dreams.

Today I'm dedicated

to setting lofty goals,

and achieving each one.

On occasion,

my head drifts back to those dreams

and I find myself living them.

Whether known, or unknown,

I have words in the world.

I'm committed,

despite any judgment,

I carry on,

I keep writing.

My dreams may not be

what I thought they would be.

I'm the stubborn girl

who has everything

she wanted out of life.

After getting everything I wanted,

I found more.

A bottomless well of inspiration,

a breath-taking sip of hope.

The water is clear,

will not muddy,

pure and ready to drink.

So help yourself to the well.

Before Anyone Else

 Dead friendship dreams remind me 

of the troubles I left behind.

What a blessing to form new friendships. 

Because the greatest of friends 

will lift you up when you fall, 

rather than drag you through the mud. 

When getting caught up in memories, 

don't forget the moment you're living in. 

The past is dead and gone, 

and there's nothing you can do to fix past mishaps. 

Past opportunities- lost, 

but the future will bring along new ones. 

New people will come along, 

some will be for you, 

some will be against you. 

You don't have to allow anyone 

in your life who will bring you down. 

Most empowering, love yourself first.

You Can Get Back Up

 Tragedy- a stumble 

with no ability to get back up. 

No one's around to lend a hand, 

I find my own arms 

unable to pick you up. 

Helpless, I can only hand 

you the encouragement 

to get up on your own. 

It's heartbreaking how I wish 

I could do something to help 

you move the world. 

There are times when you fall, 

and no one can help you up. 

The strength must come from within yourself. 

The biggest tragedy is the limbo-state 

you find yourself stuck in. 

Questioning if you can feel normal once more. 

Hang in there, it takes time, it will get better. 

The only problem is, no one knows when, 

but if you keep at it, it will be okay. 

While I can't explain life and it's complexities. 

I can only explain me, how it's a miracle I'm alive. 

I don't know how to fix people, 

I only know how to speak to them. 

Be careful with your words 

because you don't know 

when your words could count the most. 

A simple hello can make a person's morning. 

At times, it's essential to tell someone, 

"You're not hopeless, you're not a tragedy."

It Can Only Break Me

 When Reality pricks at me, 

it's a needle to gather the blood 

modern medicine needs.

How much to keep me safe 

from mental illness and myself?

Take everything 

you need from me Reality.

Whatever it takes to bring me back 

to a home I can remember.

Home isn't what it once was, 

isn't safe, 

isn't what I remembered.

Home has become a place 

where my mind tricks me.

The loved side of me left, 

and fear is what's left.

Reality left me frantic, 

searching for answers 

to questions which don't exist.

Responsibility became my undertaking, 

the consequences are mine to take, 

no matter what they are.

Reality is a pill to take, 

to end the fear, 

to make me remember who to hold dear.

Reality could try its worst, 

but it couldn't break my heart, 

my relationships.

Finding Grace

Genuineness is not difficult to see 

in the eyes of the average man.

Fresh air fills his lungs 

with promise and hope.

Wishes wander around 

the streets of his mind, 

looking for a brand-new outlook on life.

Making him travel to new places, 

wherever his imagination conjures up, 

he goes for Grace.

The Grace I know walks with two legs, 

and reaches everyone in her path.

Of Gone For Good

 Peace is an object 

I'm trying to obtain.

Leave me to my own devices, 

and I'll find it in the rain.

A deep breath, 

I place my focus on my senses.

I can touch the silence 

like a breezy beach day.

Sand covers my feet 

with a brand of warmth 

which can't be beat.

Solace- 

I saw Him in a windowsill, 

bright as God can shine. 

I peaked out to see hope in the daylight, 

opened it up to breathe in the vibrant air.

It's terrible we can't live without a care, 

or pray our worries into an endless abyss.

There's No Two Alike

Wonder why I drift my words
into letters on a page?

I do it to empty my head,
my body,
my blood.
To rid my soul of everything
stuck inside for so long.

To say "So Long!"
Let life go on,
and enjoy the grace
laid in front of my merciful eyes.

Whether those (of importance)
have looked at me with the eyes
of ignorance and denial-

Have any idea of who I forgot to be,
or who I've become. . .

I STILL AM!

And I find myself
making the point over and over.

Comparisons couldn't be exacts,
so I'll let honesty speak for itself.

The Need To Be Heard

 I have so many things to say. 

So much to tell the world. 

With no crowd to hear a thing

I gather everyone I know, 

pull them close, and start talking.

I wonder if I can say it all

before I forget or before I grow 

a bit old to talk it out.

Every word to hold close and dear

I hope they don't fall on deaf ears.

I’m only asking my world 

to acknowledge that I exist, 

and to listen while I’m alive.

I leave the world with a written word, 

if I grow too old to speak out loud.

Could You Imagine the Phobia?

On a fine warm day,
the last date you remember-
hints of December 8, 2019.

You take a second to soak
in the summery scenery.
The rich green grass
beneath a picnic table.

You find yourself seated
in a park with
unfamiliar company.
They sound familiar with you,
you unrest an oddity
of what should be-
December 9.

An immense sadness,
an immediate panic
enters your blood
and travels intense, through.

A sudden understanding of
what's happened once before.
You ask around the table
with a furrow in your brow.
You realize you don't know
where you're at,
or who you're sitting with.

You speak a sudden,
"What year is it?
What's today's date?"

They stop their chatter,
their laughter,
their banter,
look with concern,
 look with no answer.

Try to check your phone,
but there's no phone in sight.

Panic again.
Search for your spouse.
No answer must mean,

a thought occurs to you;
Even they aren't aware
of the time or the day,
or what's happened to me.

It's all such a mystery.

You arise, frantic, from the table
in search of someone,
anyone who knows.

Asking the year, time, date.
No one seems coherent enough to know.

A sudden epiphany,
and you know to search
for a white coat to question.

SAD

 The light casts a feathery white shadow on my blackened back.

Pulling me out of the dark,  a place I felt I’d be forever.

I’d dance myself out 

of the darkness and into the light.

Who knew happiness 

could be so easy to achieve.

As easy as the seasons 

change from winter to spring.

I’m automatic, 

I’ve got nature’s disease.