Tuesday, April 8, 2014

This is Why I Get a Panic Attack When I Forget to Take My Pills.

Even today the struggle is real
when sometimes I don't see the difference
between me and reality.

I shove a half dozen pills down my throat everyday
and while there are those who would say I'm a walking pharmacy.
I would rather call it responsibility,
a way to keep myself out of a hospital, and in my home.

What they don't see is that each pill has a purpose
and without them my mind would slowly slip away into a sea of psychosis
and as much as I loved watching Wendy walking down the hospital halls
speaking aloud to no one but herself. . .

It's a place I'd rather not be, but if I have to be there, I will.

Sometimes I can't see how it affects me today,
then there are times when I get a glimpse of who I use to be.
It makes me want to turn the lights on and remember that
a little bit of lithium goes a long way towards recovery.

So when I see those around me who don't suffer from this disease,
it becomes very clear to me that even though I'm a broken individual
I don't need to be in the dark about it.

How could I even be a little bit ashamed of who I am when it's out of my hands?