Uncertainty

Second guessing yourself in this world,
full of all it's turmoil.

How do you ever learn to trust yourself?
Your instinct?
Under the right ear is the whisper
of honorable intentions.
Under the left-
the whisper of intentional failure.

Calculated thinking.
Social rehearsal. 

Can create a formula to combat
all that's muddled in your mind.

Cruelty isn't Rewarded Quietly

Those who act out of spite,
in silence give in to a guilt greater.

Than our minds capacity can't see.

We're aren't divided by what's
trying to break us to pieces.
Instead we're split by our
own sense of self.

The lackluster logic
that tells us
that cruelty may be correct.

Is that ever a thought
worth entertaining?

Cruelty seems to be
a step ahead.

The sole way to overcome him
is by first overcoming ourselves.

So Get Out of the Rain of Despair

Do you ever wonder if we deserve
the second chances we're given?

I know at times in my own life
I can answer this question
with a certain no. 

But I take those chances;

Even if it feels risky-
I run with it. . .
This is mine,
this is my chance.

Sure, I could take the break to end it all.
Exit this world today, but is any fun in that?

As unfortunate as it is,
suffering is part of the beauty in life.
How do we inspire the ability
to overcome hardships without it?

I've been under this cloud of agony,
it isn't a new feeling for me.

Those new to the storm-
may live in dissidence.
With no ability to step out
from under the cloud.

Take a breath,
take your chance,
and run with it.

The storm looks  different
if you're watching from a distance.
Realize the sun will shine again.

There's Hope For You Yet

People will hate you
just for being
in the body
you were born in.

Then there are those
who try so hard
to hate you but can't.

You see,
I study people
all the time. . .

I study you,
write you down,
read you.

Then suddenly
I'm concerned about
where your heart's at.

How am I
supposed to know?

I lost myself
in that thought
for a little while,

then found myself again.

Don't allow your heart
to be broken so quickly.

Then I put the pen down. . .

I realized
that so many people
suffer a brokenness
that can not be fixed
by my words alone.

But Perhaps. . .

Who Needs Me

If compulsive thoughts could think
would they realize how hard they make my life?

Thoughts grow legs,
crawl all over me.
A nervous scratch,
the skin welts over.

If you scratch hard enough,
irritated and red,
an itch becomes a burn.
You're numb to it.

Has anxiousness ever given you anything
worth living through?

Can you amount to anything
without me
anxiety?

I'm an odd vessel you work through.

Trust me,
I don't need you,
but I'm sure it's you. . .

To Live in the Present

The choir room, Christmas,
nearing 2000.

A moment that shaped
a bit of who I am today.

Prior to Jodi wedging me deep
into the fabric of a lecture chair
I confessed to being less.

I'll keep her response in my memory;
of independence, self esteem.
All of the self assurance
I wasn't able to feel in that moment.

If I had the chance,
I'd go back and hang on every word.

Listen closer, instead of feeling like
the dust in the hidden seam of that chair.

I couldn't see the many things bigger than myself,
my weaknesses. . .

I was so small;
I couldn't get over what the student
to my left would whisper.
Before hearing the one to my right
whisper what I needed to know-
so I could never feel small again.

You have to tear your past down.

Do Something About It

You know, I haven't felt myself.
At least I'm willing to admit it.

Halfway between.

Fighting my anxieties,
and doing my best to stay sane
from one day to another. . .

In flood the thoughts of honesty,
exploding from my mouth. . .

So you hear, and agree-
but in my mind
I'm continuing to argue
with myself.

What did I expect?

At times it feels as if
I took a trip to crazy town.
So I beg to find a different perspective.
I know I'm not the only one
who sees the world a sad blue.

It isn't okay anymore.
While I live my life honestly,
and others commit crimes
in the name of protest...

Why am I the one suffering?
Compulsive thoughts.
The need to rip my hair
right out of my head.

Completely out of my control.

It's not right.
Not fair.
Life's not.

So I'm stuck feeling guilt
and sorrow for it's mistakes.

It's not right.
I have to sit on my kitchen floor.
Enthralled in tears,
unable to move.
With the fear of self infliction.

Not right.
Not when few that do deserve this
get off emotionally guilt free.

Live Your Lives

How can I say all I need to digest the past decade?
Seems as if time has suspended too long.
Everyone's got their nostalgia goggles on.

They continue ranting the same subjects
round in circles. . .

Seems they found something new to riot.

Incited by

news stands who use public tragedies
as a platform to abuse and
voice their political agendas.

We should learn to look
for warning signs . .

How to anatomize-
to be awake and aware
of what surrounds us.

Hyper-vigilance.

How to find a way to be safe.

Instead of stuck in the loop of spinal absence.

How did defending yourself become
a thing to put on the back-burner?

You have to know our importance . . .

exceeds the lack of information
any news outlet seems to push on us.

It's sad if you don't realize,
our societal issues aren't alone
in the headlines anymore.

Whoever She May Be

I haven't come across a landscape
with a beauty that took my breath away. . .

I'm too busy holding my breath
over the fur on a bee's back.

Thinking  how,
if I were
a little smaller,
or he bigger-

I might have him
in my living room
brushing pollen
from his fur.

Teaching him to talk
like a parrot,
or fetch like Fido.

Thinking if I were smaller,
how each blade of grass
would be a tree to me.
My yard a vast forest
of various leggy creatures
and crawly things.

Oh, and don't forget those wings.

But if he were bigger,
most would worry
he had a stinging intent to kill.

His majesty liquidated.
Reduced to a beast with venom,
who will do anything
to protect his queen.

Spare Yourself

If you're facing a friendship
with a user or abuser;

It's important to keep in mind
that forgiveness may be a single step away.

Forgiveness doesn't erase
the things they've done
or may do in the future.

It eases the pain and malice
in your heart toward that person
and their wrongdoings.

However, what seems to be
a harsh consequence of their actions.

Might be the end of a relationship.

Because you can forgive without
allowing the use or abuse to continue.