Do You Have a Death Wish?

To those who envy death,

do you count it as a wish

or a desire?

Is it that you'd like to see

the lives you've touched

or is it desperate plea

to get away?

Why do you want so bad

to see what others feel the need

to say after you've gone away?

You know,

if they don't say it

while the life runs through your blood

then they probably don't mean it

when the life runs out.

Sorry, but I Beg to Differ

Honesty in small doses

bleeds brutally in the end,

when lies in small doses don't exist
all lies are large.

When ignorance is bliss

we walk through with hope

as false as faulty doctrine;

from believing good deeds alone

will lead you into heaven up high,

to knowing good deeds alone

won't lead you there.

Our differences are something;

you can see in someone's eyes

and hear in their heart,

something from within

which is reflected

by the character our creator

has given us.

Always remember,

even in accordance with your beliefs,

everything we do to each other

is also done to him.

The Kind that Kill when the Going gets Tough.

Why do I cling
to your memory
so securely?

Just let them go;

The overly honest-
the silent ghost-
the liar that never lets up-
the quiet violent one.

They're all only traits
in myself which I saw in you.

You all left me,
on isolation island
where I was faced to question,

what kind of companions are you?

A Learning Experience

When there's something
stuck inside of you
that just keeps creeping out,

all you're able to do
is reason with yourself and say,

"We can work this out."

Let's move on;

let's live another day,
let's look forward.

Let's break free
from the ball and chain
that ties us to our twisted past
leaving us tangled
in the line of time
trying to escape.

We can cut and paste
ourselves a new perspective
on our past and call it.

A FRIEND

When you have one,

you have one for life. . .

Metaphorically-

an extra branch on the family tree.

Most importantly

one to swing on

which can also swing on you.

What if I spoke my mind all the time?

When your thoughts decide to commentate,
your mind becomes a very hard place to concentrate
especially on any single conversation.

Mine has spoken of snide comments,
I have kept all to myself.

"Some thoughts should
stay silent," I said.
I stick to that word like glue,

despite my mind
speaking so loudly sometimes.
It's hard to even comprehend
the simplest of conversations.

In so few words I'm saying:
I am not a nice person in my mind
I interrupt a lot,
I'm incredibly conceited,
I'm possibly the worst person I know.

My heart is full of good intentions,
my way to say I'm sorry for me
is to always be kind
in my words and actions
despite the trails
my thoughts may take me on.

The anxiety I feel for my mind
speaking audibly out of turn is great,
because what I think isn't always what I feel
and the guilt that comes as a result of doing so
is a weight that makes me wonder.

My Night at the Roxbury

My pen between my lips
as I decide how
I should say what
I'd want to say next,

or sometimes my teeth gently biting
the end of the eraser
until it seems to disappear.

My mind, once cluttered,
now quiet hears the soft hum
of traffic from a distance,
and when it's too late,
it hears the train horn
screaming down the street.

So suddenly I remember
how he once said he
was amazed by how we were able
to make ourselves heard.

Even if it meant,
we were tearing the foam
from the arms of the hospital chairs,
we were made to feel as if
it was a safe place to be vulnerable.

I sensed it was a place of healing,
a place to build the foundation
for a well balanced brain and well being.

Somehow I said more
with the clutter in my head
just trying to empty it out,
than I ever would when aware of my actions.

I wish I could obtain the same courage
as I had in an unsound state,
it's something important that I lost.

A Goodbye as I Try to Let it Go

When your tears are so acidic
they sting your cheeks
over the family
you've never had the opportunity to have-

Do you ever stop grieving
over your losses?

Or is your only choice to move on
into a world that seems so abysmal
without the ones you could've loved?

Stop Over-Thinking Things

You spend your entire existence
trying to get your life together,

but when there's no explanation
for an unsound mind
or unsound decisions made as a result,

it's  a good time to let it fall apart
and let the dust settle.

Even without the ability to think clearly,
as long as you have a heartbeat
and a deep breath to take
sometimes it's okay to let life fall apart.

Accepting Yourself

Who am I?

I'm a nobody,

blessed by the vast graveyard

of indifferent emotions

I've been handed.

Despite my eccentricities;

my failure to be courageous,

my lack of self esteem,

and the hand dealt to me in life,

I'd still rather be no one else

but a nobody.

Sometimes the truth screams

so loudly at me,

it says,

"I am who I am meant to be."