You should know I regret.
I regret our relationship,
meeting you.
Despite this, I even
regret pushing you away.
So forget being able to know
how life's treating you.
A rare thought of you
as that distorted love letter
in my mind.
Despite my delusion all I want
is to see you succeed.
My selfishness.
My fear of your perversion,
and my want,
shoved you right out of my life.
Self righteousness can have consequences
you're unable to see in the moment.
What I thought was strength.
Was a barrier of brains
trying to work everything out
in my messy mind.
But what else did I know?
I was too young to know
I'd want to hear from you again.
That I'd want to know
if you had children,
or how many. . .
That I'd want to see their faces if you did.
If only you hadn't harmed me,
and by your own admissions!
Broke my trust,
broke me,
shattered to self-doubt.
It isn't all about me wanting to see you.
I want you to see me too.
All the aspects of my life
that keep me happily who I am today.
My kindness.
Because all you were able
to see was the cold side of me in the moment.
Even though you understood the reason
I chose to act the way I did.
I wish you could see the forgiving side of me.
Even if it meant the end.
