Friday, January 13, 2017

Preston, You Blew It

Once you invited me to a house party,
insisted I go, despite my hesitance;

and as I arrived
I remember how excited you were
to see me.

I remember how
a few drinks later
you laughed behind my back-

something about how I was too prim and proper
for being the only sober one in the room.

You didn't even know I overheard  
maybe you saw some scorn in my eyes
when you saw me standing just a few feet away.

I put my head down,
darkened my eyes and walked out
like a puppy with its tail between its legs.

You were my ride home,
and I waited outside for you
until this all blew over.

A miserable night. . .

A dedicated friend who knows
where she just doesn't belong
but can’t leave out of fear
you may hurt yourself or someone else.

Party’s over. . .

Stumbling over in dismay,
I look at you then look away.

I can't even look at you.

I sigh,
I look anyway,
but you're looking away too.

Instead of going on about
how darkened, disappointed,
and disheartened I felt- I thought
it's not the time for that right now,
so I threw my arm around you anyway.

Gave you a smile and just said it's okay-
just before you start to sob with your sickly sorries..

I couldn't let you drive us home this way,
so I sat with you, stranded in an abandoned parking lot
until the headache was over.


awake all night, praying we would stay safe
in this spot and you sleeping neck forward
with your face in your chest,
head tapping the horn,
not a care in the world right now.

How could you?

Make me so incredibly insecure,
how could I be so inhibited?

Looking back-
hindsight 20/20-
it could have saved my life that night.

Probably the worst mistake I ever made
was being your best friend through your battles.