About Me

My photo

I'm an open book here, and I have a lot to say, so I'll just say it.

Friday, January 13, 2017

Preston, You Blew It

Once you invited me to a house party,
insisted I go, despite my hesitance;

and as I arrived
I remember how excited you were
to see me.

I remember how
a few drinks later
you laughed behind my back-

something about how I was too prim and proper
for being the only sober one in the room.

You didn't even know I overheard  
maybe you saw some scorn in my eyes
when you saw me standing just a few feet away.

I put my head down,
darkened my eyes and walked out
like a puppy with its tail between its legs.

You were my ride home,
and I waited outside for you
until this all blew over.

A miserable night. . .

A dedicated friend who knows
where she just doesn't belong
but can’t leave out of fear
you may hurt yourself or someone else.

Party’s over. . .

Stumbling over in dismay,
I look at you then look away.

I can't even look at you.

I sigh,
I look anyway,
but you're looking away too.

Instead of going on about
how darkened, disappointed,
and disheartened I felt- I thought
it's not the time for that right now,
so I threw my arm around you anyway.

Gave you a smile and just said it's okay-
just before you start to sob with your sickly sorries..

I couldn't let you drive us home this way,
so I sat with you, stranded in an abandoned parking lot
until the headache was over.

Me:

awake all night, praying we would stay safe
in this spot and you sleeping neck forward
with your face in your chest,
head tapping the horn,
not a care in the world right now.

How could you?

Make me so incredibly insecure,
how could I be so inhibited?

Looking back-
hindsight 20/20-
it could have saved my life that night.

Probably the worst mistake I ever made
was being your best friend through your battles.