Once you invited me to a house party,
insisted I go, despite my hesitance;
and as I arrived
I remember how excited you were
to see me.
I remember how
a few drinks later
you laughed behind my back-
something about how I was too prim and proper
for being the only sober one in the room.
You didn't even know I overheard
maybe you saw some scorn in my eyes
when you saw me standing just a few feet away.
when you saw me standing just a few feet away.
I put my head down,
darkened my eyes and walked out
like a puppy with its tail between its legs.
You were my ride home,
and I waited outside for you
until this all blew over.
A miserable night. . .
A dedicated friend who knows
where she just doesn't belong
but can’t leave out
of fear
you may hurt yourself or someone else.
Party’s over. . .
Stumbling over in dismay,
I look at you then look away.
I can't even look at you.
I sigh,
I look anyway,
but you're looking away too.
Instead of going on about
how darkened, disappointed,
and disheartened I felt- I thought
it's not the time for that right now,
so I threw my arm around you anyway.
Gave you a smile and just said it's okay-
just before you start to sob with your sickly sorries..
I couldn't let you drive us home this way,
so I sat with you, stranded in an abandoned parking lot
until the headache was over.
Me:
awake all night, praying we would stay safe
in this spot and you sleeping neck forward
with your face in your chest,
head tapping the horn,
not a care in the world right now.
How could you?
How could you?
Make me so incredibly insecure,
how could I be so inhibited?
Looking back-
hindsight 20/20-
it could have saved my life that night.
Probably the worst mistake I ever made
was being your best friend through your battles.
