Thursday, January 29, 2015

The Never Ending Battle of the Mind

There are no words
to describe that shred of desperation
that runs through me,
somewhere between potential futures
and former fiascoes
I try my best to make myself work
but I define myself defunct
and fail to feel any fortitude for myself.

For others it's hard to define
how I could have difficulty
believing in myself
but it's a battle of the mind,
something VERY easy to hide,
how I slip in to deep dark
corners and crevices
of what I could be
and what I feel like I'll never
be able to achieve.

You could say
it's a purgatory for the mind,
possibly a place
where I won't be left behind
but still stand far
from where I want to be
and the question I always ask myself is,
did I put myself here?

I don't want to leave myself blind
because I can't seem to see
past this ugly place in my mind,

where moving on becomes
something less than a step at a time,
and where motivation loses its meaning.

No, I want to be strong, desperately brave,
and capable of anything I want to achieve.

The challenge will always rest
in getting my brain to agree with this idea
but it's something I eventually hope to accomplish.

Sunday, January 25, 2015

An Open Book

She's a faceless girl
with a dead childhood.

She has old cracked
8mm film memories
that tend to bring tears
to her darkened eyes.

Everyone she once loved is gone,
they've moved on long ago
or time passed them away,

but thankfully, now,
she's trying to teach us
that childhood can
last a lifetime if you let it.

She's trying to say that fairy tales
only ever end when the author
writes happily ever after,

but we're not characters
in a storybook,
we're the authors of our own accord.

Each of us are individuals
with a history of our own to write
and staying young
requires just as much responsibility
as growing old.

We're millions of open ended stories
that will carry on indefinitely.

Thursday, January 8, 2015

Wishful Thinking

Even in my ending
I hope I can be
either an inspiration
or an example
of what not to be
for those like me
who struggle to survive.

Since we're all existing
in this world together,
I think it's best
we see eye to eye

and learn from each other,

instead of scorning everything
beyond our understanding.

If only everyone could freely see
each perspective that such
a vast world could offer,

maybe we'd be more open
to understanding
rather than removing
those with different insight
from our vision entirely.

Monday, January 5, 2015

A Loudly Beating Heart

My mind slips away
in to some sort of oblivion
while wondering where the year has gone
because at times it feels
like it just wasted away,
but then I ask myself,

What more could I have possibly done?

Why do I never feel productive enough?

I set myself some lofty goals
and achieve each and every one
with down time to spare.

Yet this heart
still feels like it needs
a voice in this world

and it will always beat
with a stubborn determination
to carry out that plan,

until it's very last beat.