About Me

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I'm an open book here, and I have a lot to say, so I'll just say it.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Moving On.

There are no words to explain the pain that anxiety brings.
There's no escape from the delusion of repetitive thought.
There's no amount of activity to make the attack go away.
There's just a dark mind with very little light, and nowhere to run.
There's a heart that feels empty with no explanation and no way to fill it.
There's hope in your head but fear in your heart.
There's wanting control where control just can't be given.
There's a bodily disconnection from your brain, along with yourself and everyone you know,
there's the relationships you lost and the enemies you gained.
There's the misunderstanding and the realization that my disease may have pushed you away

but I am not EVER going to give up on the fight to free my mind from mental illness,
because I've come so far from where I started that;

There are words to explain the pain
and there is an escape from delusion.
The attack is gone,
my mind is bright and I don't need to run.
My heart is full with an abundance of creativity and love that couldn't possibly run dry,
my head is clear and my heart is brave.
Control is often out of my hands but the choices I make are up to me,
connections can be repaired but only if it's worth it.
There's the friends and family that stuck around
and there's the fact that some friends just aren't worth keeping,

and then there's healing,
there's moving on from the years of damage that destruction made on my mind.

Monday, January 20, 2014

America's a Melting Pot, or Atleast it Use to Be.

Why is it we're more willing
to exit someone out of America,
before we're willing to welcome them?

Why is it we're more willing to tell them,
if they want to speak their native tongue,
they should go back to their native land;

Instead of learning their language,
or their culture, or their reason
for wanting to resonate in the land
of the free in the first place?

Why is it so often that the only ones
we're willing to learn about is ourselves?

Why is it we'd rather tell them
to go back to where they came from
instead of welcoming them with open arms
like we did with people from all over the world in 1892.

See, sometimes I wish we'd realize real history
SHOULD be in the making, but sometimes,
I swear, I don't see us making it.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

I Hope Someday You Can Live Abundantly.

Slow down, savor it
because what I'm about
to say is important-

Just let me lend
a hand for you to shake
and a kind word
for you to take
because I don't have the money
to spare to the beggar
on the street.

I'm a writer with nothing,
not even a dollar to my name.

So instead of saying to me
your skin is the reason
I couldn't give you cash

think again,

because without my husband
and my family
I'd be exactly where you are today.

So before you judge me
for not giving you that
dollar you so desperately needed,
realize that ethnicity certainly
isn't the issue here
but I can see it is in your mentality.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Two Bluebirds.

So I walked outside,
and there they were
these two baby bluebirds
in the gap underneath
the threshold of my back door.

It was as if
they were knocking
to get in,

and meant to be mine.

Only for every knock
there was a peep instead.

So I picked them up,
and brought them inside
as my compassion
always gets the best of me.

I dreampt only of what
I would do in reality,
because who's going to leave
two baby bluebirds outside
all alone on a freezing winter day?

There they sat in my palm,
just large enough to fit
two tiny fluffy bluebirds.

Then I woke up.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Live at Your Own Pace

I hate the phrase
"get ahead in life."

How are you ever going to get ahead in life?

As if life is some sort of race
and we all end up in a grave
once the race is over.

Why would I ever want to get ahead in life?

I'd rather tell people
to find their head in life,
since I know plenty of people
who tend to lose theirs.