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I'm an open book here, and I have a lot to say, so I'll just say it.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Butting Heads with Myself


I miss the crickets chirping in the back of my mind
in the home we use to know.

Where our only company was;
the body of each other,
the warmth of the sunlight
and the silence from the streets
creeping through our window pane.

Company that gave us stories to forever tell
to a world full of possibilities and potential
that would root itself in my brain,
like ivy, impossible to remove.

I miss the cicadas roaring
outside my second story window
like aggressive waves in the sea.

No matter how alone I was,
they'd be there for me,
loud enough to overpower
every unsound thought come to mind.

Unfortunately the ivy was killed
long ago by a remedy known as reality,
a place full of pesticides,
where my crickets and cicadas
had no chance to survive.

Reality left me;
desolate,
desperate,
downcast,
and knocked down
a notch or two
where my mind says I belong.

"I can't be anything I want to be,"
my mind would tell me that,
I'm delusional for thinking
there's something out there meant for me.

So I guess I'm also delusional
for thinking that I'm exactly
where I'm meant to be.


Thursday, April 21, 2016

The Rest is History

All the emotions from that moment stay in my mind
as fresh as if they happened yesterday.

The dimly lit church gym,
the band playing loud
while my heart was being broken
by not one, but two.

It only takes one terrible action
to lose a lifelong friend,
we certainly were never the same again.

I never needed you;
the lover,
or the friend,
who longed for each other.

Yet I still cried the broken hearts cry full of all the
bitterness, sadness, anger and envy,
full as it could be.

I look back on the day April 15, 2003,

as the ultimate example of what love shouldn’t be
but lucky me, one year later on the same exact day
I came to see my husband to be.

Fifteen days later;

he never proposed,
but admitted that marriage was in the cards.

So here I am today,
in an amazing home with him,

and if love were a glass of wine
I’d be inebriated,
filling another to the brim.

Friday, April 8, 2016

Self Destruction is Not the Answer


It's happening all around you,
hopelessness sneaks its way into your home,
breaks down your door
and leaves you in the dark,
depressed, defeated, let down,
alone
to fend for yourself.

You're in the position to tell hopelessness
to hold on for a minute
while you take the time to remember how
fortunate, fulfilled, and fit
you are to fend for yourself despite 
 being alone.