About Me

My photo

I'm an open book here, and I have a lot to say, so I'll just say it.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

If You Think This was Written for You, It Probably Was

Just because you hate yourself so often,
doesn't mean you don't
have a shred of self endearment.

Too many people
hold this misconception
about mental illness,
it doesn't mean that
you don't love yourself,
it means you're
learning to live with yourself,
learning to live with your affliction.

Unfortunately many of us
will never have the opportunity
to share this bit of knowledge,
but I know that you're not only
completely capable of loving yourself,
you're also completely capable of being loved
and completely capable of loving anyone you choose.

So don't let any 'someone'
try to tell you that you can't love or be loved
until you learn to love yourself.

It's just not true.

Monday, November 24, 2014

November Never Felt so Cold to Me

The weather is changing
and I can't sleep.

Daylight savings
dream only of killing
my circadian cycle.

This is it for us,
Winter, you treat
me like a window.

Open me up
and blow cold air
all through me.

Yet you're so lovely,
at least you use to be.

What happened
to your crisp snow,
or frosted glass roses
that I remember so clearly
from my childhood?

You see right through me,
 and you left me gross
and staring at soggy black snow
on the side of the road.

Winter, you became cruel to me,
still somehow I see you the same
as you use to be back home.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

We're All Awkward, so Screw the Embarrassment

When I woke up this morning,
I didn't expect anything from anyone
but what I received was far greater
than any gift I could be given.

I received life,
the drive to live and survive
knowing that my happiness
isn't all that matters
and making somebody else smile
is just as valuable
as a secret smile or a silent giggle to myself.

Life's not all about being your best
or looking your best,
sometimes it's about your weaknesses,
about letting go of the idea
that you have to fit
into some cookie cutter mold
that you make for yourself.

Sometimes,
life is about being yourself,
waking up in the morning
with your hair sticking up,
your eyes crusted shut
and loving who you are
despite what the decrepit
mirror may try to tell you.

Something which is equally
as valuable as all of these things
is the ability to love someone else
despite all of their dank defects as well.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

The Humble Husband

No one thinks of me
the way that you do,
I'd be surprised if anyone
ever thought of me at all.

Except you,
you think of me
far before yourself
and when I feel like
I can count on one hand
all the people who actually
care for me. . .

Just know that you're
the first finger I raise,
that's aside from God of course

and you should know
just how important
you are to me.

Even though there's no way
I'd ever even
begin to be able to explain
all the ways
you've saved my life.

There I Go, Talking to Myself Again

I think somehow
the situation left a stain on me,

but the mark left on me
doesn't seem to matter so much
now that I can see
how everyone is stained
in some way.

The important part
is finding the best way
to stop yourself
from hiding the engaging story
which created that stain
in the first place.

That stain is part of my past.

It was planted in my history
where it took root
in creating who I am today.

If it wasn't for the stains,
mistakes, scars, and unsightly blemishes,
there wouldn't be anything interesting
about anyone to begin with.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

The Only Power Fear Has, is the Kind You Supply



If you grew up hearing voices,
you'd probably not know
the difference
between a quiet mind
and a cluttered mess of a brain,

but thankfully,
now my mind lets me sleep at night . . .

Sometimes. . .

To be clear,
I didn't grow up hearing voices,
they kind of crept up on me
in the worst sort of way,

but hey,
at least I'm not in that place
where my bed smelled like gasoline
and my head would dream uncontrollably
as my heart screamed so loudly
for someone to come get me out of there.

No one gave me a list,
no one showed me the steps
to growing a clear mind.

To gain even the slightest
peace of mind,
all I ever really needed
was some acceptance,
but not from any of you.

Whoever you may be.

I needed it from myself.
and ultimately I believe
I needed to live through the clutter,
not just to get to the quiet
but also to overcome
the entirety of the fear
I felt for so long.

Going on With the Show

Even in the most miraculous
moments of our lives,
sadness seems to step
its way into our lives
in such a short time.

It steals away any sense
of self worth
we once thought
we may have obtained.

Sitting around
watching it
slowly circle the drain
does what exactly?

As much as we love swimming
in a puddle of self pity,
at some point
we've got to get our
faces out of the mud
and move on.